Las personas que usan estas 3 palabras tóxicas tienen una inteligencia emocional muy baja

Hay una frase tóxica de tres palabras que las personas con poca inteligencia emocional abusan.

Para explicar por qué es una mala elección, ayuda examinar un término de una sola palabra del que la mayoría de la gente nunca ha oído hablar.

Abordemos primero el término menos conocido. En realidad es una palabra sobre palabras: “litotes”.

¿Qué son los litos? Son un lenguaje irónico que postula la negación de lo contrario, en lugar de simplemente hacer una declaración simple.

Esto tendrá mucho más sentido si simplemente proporciona ejemplos:

  • “No se ve terrible” en lugar de “Se ve bien”.
  • “No fue mi mejor momento” en lugar de “Me porté mal o jugué mal”.
  • “No está mal” en respuesta a una pregunta como “¿Cómo estás?” en lugar de simplemente decir “¡Bien hecho, gracias!”

Los litotes sugieren subestimación e ironía. Puede usarlos para suavizar un golpe o suavizar un comentario que podría parecer jactancioso o denigrante.

Pero a veces también pueden tener connotaciones furtivas o incluso nefastas. Y es esta observación la que nos lleva, por así decirlo, a nuestros “Litotes del Día”; la frase tóxica que las personas de alta inteligencia emocional solo pueden usar en las situaciones más positivas y conscientes.

Esa frase es: “No es difícil”.

Obviamente, no estamos hablando de dureza literal o algún tipo de estímulo tranquilizador de “tú puedes hacerlo” para ayudar a las personas a alcanzar sus objetivos.

  • ¿Cómo es el colchón en el hotel? “No es dificil.”
  • me harás este favor “No, no es difícil”.
  • “Sé que tienes miedo de comenzar una nueva carrera, pero creo en ti y una vez que das el primer paso, no es difícil”.

En cambio, vamos a hablar sobre los usos modernos más comunes para esta frase (¡ay!), en los que rezuma condescendencia, troleo e incluso desprecio.

Como era de esperar, puede encontrar muchos ejemplos de su uso en línea, en las redes sociales modernas y en los negocios. Nuevamente, esto tiene más sentido al compartir ejemplos.

  • Imagina a alguien quejándose de haber subido de peso durante la pandemia. Una persona con poca inteligencia emocional (“PWLEI”) podría responder: “No es difícil. Coma menos y haga más ejercicio”).
  • O alguien está luchando con un dilema político o social complejo. Un PWLEI podría responder: “No es difícil. Todo lo que tienes que hacer es [agree 100 percent with their side of the divisive political debate].”
  • O alguien está hablando de un desafío comercial o financiero. Un PWLEI podría decir: “No es difícil [and then blithely explain something that is actually really hard to achieve.]”

¿Entiendes lo que quiero decir? En cualquier caso, usted (o tal vez debería decir nuestro “PWLEI”) le está diciendo explícitamente a la persona que la dificultad que expresó no es una dificultad en absoluto. Pero debido a que usan litotes—“no es difícil” en lugar de “es fácil”—también usan un recurso retórico que apenas oculta su incredulidad.

Es un poco pasivo-agresivo, para ser honesto. Y aunque hay excepciones a esta regla, las personas emocionalmente inteligentes reconocen el peligro.

Ahora debo agregar que la condescendencia y el rechazo a veces son intencionales. De hecho, estas pueden ser personas emocionalmente inteligentes que utilizan sus conocimientos sobre el lenguaje por razones traviesas o incluso rencorosas.

Supongo que es su derecho. También es uno de mis mayores dilemas morales al escribir tanto sobre la mejora de la inteligencia emocional: tengo que confiar en que las personas a las que se lo ofrezco no lo utilizarán para fines inapropiados.

De todos modos, si le preocupa la inteligencia emocional en los negocios y el liderazgo, creo que vale la pena reflexionar sobre estas palabras. Es solo una frase en una larga lista de frases que vale la pena usar o evitar para desarrollar la memoria muscular mental.

Mientras escribo en mi libro electrónico gratuito, 9 hábitos inteligentes de las personas con una inteligencia emocional muy alta (lo que implica discutir una serie de otras frases que se deben evitar), la inteligencia emocional no se trata solo de desarrollar empatía o ser amable con los demás.

Estos pueden ser buenos efectos secundarios, pero el objetivo principal es algo mucho más enfocado: usar las emociones, las suyas y las de otras personas, para mejorar las posibilidades de que logre sus objetivos, tanto en los negocios como en la vida.

Elija las palabras correctas y tendrá muchas más posibilidades de éxito.

Las opiniones expresadas aquí por los columnistas de Heaven32 son propias y no de Heaven32.

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    \t

  • How is the mattress in the hotel? "It's not hard."
  • \t

  • Do you mind doing this favor for me? "No, it's not hard."
  • \t

  • "I know you're scared about starting a new career, but I believe in you, and once you take the first step, it's not hard." 

\n

Instead, we're talking about the most common modern uses for this phrase (unfortunately!), in which it drips with condescension, trolling, and even contempt.

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Not surprisingly, you'll find a lot of examples of its use like this online, in modern social media, and in business. Again, this will make more sense by sharing examples.

\n

    \t

  • Imagine that someone laments about having gained weight during the pandemic. A person with low emotional intelligence ("PWLEI") might reply: "It's not hard. Eat less and exercise more.")
  • \t

  • Or else, someone struggles with a complex political or social dilemma. A PWLEI might reply: "It's not hard. All you need to do is [agree 100 percent with their side of the divisive political debate]."
  • \t

  • Or, someone discusses a business or financial challenge. A PWLEI might say: "It's not hard. Just [and then blithely explain something that is actually really hard to achieve.]"

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See what I mean? In each case, you're (or perhaps I should say, our "PWLEI") explicitly tells the person that the difficulty they've articulated isn't a difficulty at all. But because they're using litotes-;"it's not hard," as opposed to, "it's easy"-;they're also using a rhetorical device barely hides their undercurrent of disbelief.

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It's a bit passive-aggressive, to be honest. And while there are exceptions to this rule, emotionally intelligent people recognize the danger.

\n

Now, I must add that sometimes the condescension and dismissiveness are intentional. In fact, perhaps these are emotionally intelligent people using their insights into language like this for mischievous or even spiteful reasons! 

\n

I suppose it's their right. It's also one of my biggest moral dilemmas in writing so much about how to improve emotional intelligence: I have to take it on faith that the people I'm offering it to won't use it for unbecoming purposes.

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Anyway, if you're concerned about emotional intelligence in business and leadership, I think it's worth thinking about these words. It's just one phrase in a long line of expressions that it's worth developing mental muscle memory either to use or avoid.

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As I write in my free e-book, 9 Smart Habits of People With Very High Emotional Intelligence (which includes discussion of a number of other phrases to avoid), emotional intelligence is not just about developing empathy or being nice to people.

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Those can be nice side-effects, but the main goal is something much more focused: leveraging emotions -- yours and other people's -- to improve the odds that you'll achieve your goals, both in business and in life. 

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Choose the right words, and you'll have a much better chance of success.

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